


Battling with honesty

by Stars_are_the_past



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Depressed Harry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Protective Remus Lupin, Self-Hatred, Vernon Dursley Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2020-05-28 10:38:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19392406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stars_are_the_past/pseuds/Stars_are_the_past
Summary: (Set after Goblet of Fire).Harry arrives at Grimauld place marked by the anger of his Uncle. He hides it like he’s always done. However something happens and he’s unable to conceal his punishments. Will he be able to heal or is he too far out of reach?





	1. Projections

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I would just like to warn you there are some distressing scenes with reference to suicide. And so if you are vulnerable it may not be wise to read the chapter.

Harry couldn’t believe what was happening. He had left the Dursley’s, although not escaping punishment and would no longer see them for another year. And now he’s in his Godfathers house otherwise known as the order of the Phoenix headquarters. It was all rather pleasant, something that Harry had lost hold of once again. Currently in his and Ron’s room, he looked in the mirror. His hair was still rebellious as ever, sticking up in every direction, he had grown slightly taller although he was very thin, his emerald green eyes moved to the ugly scar on his forehead, now causing him pain every day. He smiled at his reflection, noticing with relief that the glamours had worked and he appeared normal. Underneath, his bright green eyes could be seen to have lost their light, there were big black bags underneath them betraying his lack of sleep and a mixture of purples and greens painted his left eye, swollen and highly painful. That was unfortunately not the only one, if Harry was to lift his shirt up, you could see a cacophony of bruises, cuts and scars littered all over his back and chest. Some were words, carved by Uncle Vernon when he was very angry and deemed Harry worthy of an even harsher punishment than being beaten for an hour straight, they included ‘FREAK’, ‘UNGRATEFUL’, ‘RUDE’, ‘VERMIN’. Although, his punishments had stopped for a while due to the fear of Sirius, Uncle Vernon who was quick to anger, forgot about Sirius in a moment of pure hatred and so he had restarted his hobby, keen to show all the pent up anger Harry had made him feel. When Dudley had been attack, that had been the last straw and so now Harry has what is most likely broken ribs and wrists. He really shouldn’t have tried to shield himself and now he had to use two broken wrist as if they were normal. Hopefully he’ll be able to heal them as soon as he gets to Hogwarts . He is still unsure how he is able to keep the glamour up without detection from the Ministry but he is definitely not complaining. Harry could here the footsteps of Ron, clambering up the stairs with not much grace.

“Hiya Harry.” Ron said sounding distant as he continued to stare down, amazed, at the small prefect badge laying on his outstretched hand. 

“Hey Ron. Wow prefect, that’s amazing. I’m really happy for you and Hermione” 

“Thanks. I can’t believe it. Mum wants to hold a party all the order members are staying, even Snape.” 

“Oh really that’s great” Harry said, hoping that Ron’s mum would uncharacteristically not cook a lot of food. Not having been fed proper meals for a month or two, his stomach always took a long time to adjust to being fed. 

“Yeah, Mums gone all out the food looks amazing! (Harry winced) Why don’t we go down, I’m starving. I think everyone should down there already. Let me just put this down.” 

And so they both made their way down the creaky old stairs to a big room filled with loads of people all of whom Harry recognised. There was the Weasleys dotted around the room recognisable immediately due to their flaming orange hair. Mrs Weasley immediately grabbed Ron pulling him into the centre of the room where Hermione, looking slightly flustered, was standing. “Now, everyone could we all put our hands together for our two new Gryffindor prefects, my lovely son Ron and Hermione!” And instantly the room was filled with the sound of adoring cheers. Ron was beaming, finally receiving attention he had envied, Hermione looked the same and although slightly uncomfortable. Harry put on the biggest smile he could muster, slightly worried that his glamour would break, and clapped loudly. He was genuinely happy both Hermione and Ron and so it wasn’t that hard to smile. The clapping died down after a couple of minutes and Harry once again swept his gaze across the room. Sirius was standing next to Remus, who looked very well and happier. They looked so at home in each others presence, Sirius had his arm around Remus’ shoulder as he whispered something into his ear. Sirius caught his eye and Harry smiled and waved at him. He loved Sirius dearly but he had gone through so much, Harry didn’t feel like he could put more pressure on him. Harry was unsure about going over there, finding it difficult to keep his secrets from those close to him. Suddenly, Mrs Weasley announced, “Now could everyone come and sit down (gesturing to a large table) now Ron and Hermione why don’t you sit there. Where’s Harry?” And suddenly all eyes were on him, leaning against the door frame not having hadn’t the chance to actually venturing any further into the room, he awkwardly waved. Thankfully, everyone returned to making their way to the table. 

“Um, Hello Mrs Weasley.” 

“Harry dear!” She exclaimed as she captured him in a loving hug, unintentionally causing Harry serious pain as she pulled him tightly to her chest. “Oh how are you? Skinny as always, don’t worry we’ll get some food into you. Come sit down dear. ” and with one more pat on his back she pulled away. Everyone else had sat down and so reluctantly he went and sat in between Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall. 

Not knowing what to say he hesitantly gave them both a small smile. 

“Hello Mr Potter” Professor McGonagall said politely, “Have you enjoyed your holiday?” 

“Um yes thanks, I uhh (Harry nervously glanced at Snape) have been working on some quidditch moves so we can thrash Slytherin again.” 

“Well, well Mr Potter you seem very confident.” Snape said glancing down at him, with a smirk forming on his face, “I’m even more confident that my snakes will beat you.” 

“Now now Severus I’m sure both your teams are going to do well” said someone beside McGonagall. Professor Dumbledore leant forward in his chair and Harry saw humour swirling in those twinkly blue eyes. “Harry, my dear boy, how are you?” 

“I’m fine thanks” Harry lied. 

* * *

A few hours had past and Mrs Weasley had refilled Harry plate 3 times until he politely decline more food on the 4th time. Sitting with Professor Snape hadn’t been that bad, he didn’t ask personal questions and kept Harry on his toes with friendly insults that he nearly forgot about all his injuries. 

“So what was my impersonator like as a teacher?” said a gravelly voice, who Harry identified as Mad-eye Moody.

“Yes, I would love to have been there.” Said Sirius and many others said something in the same line. “I think I might have the solution. If the kids are willing that is. I was looking around the house and i saw the projector, accio projector, and I found out that it connects to the people’s mind and play their memories for others to see. Molly you don’t mind do you, it won’t do them no harm.” 

“Oh alright then, you have my permission.”

“Brilliant! Harry, Ron and Hermione why don’t you come here.”

“Does it have to have three people for the memories to work?” Harry said hopefully, not wanting people to see his memories.

“Sorry, no all three of you are needed. Not scared are you Harry?” Sirius teased.

Forcing out a smile, he replied “Nope.”

So the trio each touched their wands to the machine and then to their forehead, having already agreed to think of the first time they met each other. A blast of light, shone out of the machine and suddenly on the wall there was the three of them on the train the day they first met each other. 

“All you have to do is think of Memory and it will show. Why don’t you sit down? We could look at your adventures hey.” Said Sirius. 

“Lead the way Hermione.” Harry said, with admittedly not a lot of enthusiasm. 

“Well, what about the troll incident?”

And so the journey through their Hogwarts experience began, leaving butterflies in Harry’s stomach as he watched himself dangle from the ugly beast. 


	2. Tainted Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey begins into the trios years at Hogwarts and Harry’s fear rises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’ve made some changes to this chapter since I first posted it. Just thought I’d let you know xxx

Whilst most of the room gasped at the memories, or in Snape’s case scowled, Harry continuously became more worried. Fear was niggling at the pit of his stomach, provoking the nerve wracking possibility of Harry throwing up. “Potter, always blind to rush into dangerous situations” Snape muttered next to him as the memory of the confrontation with Quirrell displayed across the wall. “Idiotic Gryffindor.” Too preoccupied, Harry hardly registered the insults spat out by the professor beside him. ‘What if they all see his punishments? They’ll certainly won’t like him any more. He’s a freak. All he does is cause trouble.’ “How could you let this happen Dumbledore?!” said Sirius who looking furious was shaking and had not been for Remus’ hand on his shoulder Harry expected Sirius to launch himself at the Headmaster. Harry panicked, first thinking he had carelessly let the memories of Uncle Vernon project but glancing at the wall he let out a breath he hadn’t noticed he had been holding as he was met by the sight of Harry waking up in the hospital wing after his confrontation with Quirrel. Harry hastily replied “It’s not the Headmasters fault. I went there of my own accord.”. He found himself once more in a state of panic worried that harm would come to the Headmaster due to his reckless, freakish behaviour.

”Thank you Harry but your defence is not needed” and Harry sat down, feeling foolish and only then realising he had also risen from his chair much like Sirius moments before. “It is with my deepest regret that Harry endured this event as well as the others. I am not perfect and through my mistakes this young man has suffered. I would never deliberately put him in harms way. Many of us care for the boy in this room, myself included, and it pains me to see him in danger.” Harry stared dumbfounded at the Headmaster unable to believe that anyone could care for a freak like him. It cannot be true, Harry didn’t feel he could continue in his ways if it was true, it wasn’t true he told himself, ridding himself of the ignorant hope that was rising in his chest. Harry longed for parental figures but he learnt long ago that he didn’t deserve love because he was freak. He had tried but he wasn’t good enough. He never knew what the feeling of being hugged was like until going to Hogwarts. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon made it very clear that the love he sought out would not come from them and so by the age of one Harry no longer asked to be picked up or cuddled. Remembering what had provoked this trip into memory lane, Harry pointedly refused to make eye contact with anyone as the room lapsed into silence. 

“I am sorry Professor, my concern for Harry momentarily clouded my judgement.” ( _‘It isn’t true._ ’ Harry thought).

”That is quite alright Sirius. Would you like to continue to view Harry’s years at Hogwarts?”.

“Year two then kids!” said Sirius banging his hands lightly on the table imitating a drumroll. 

Folding to peer pressure Harry’s memories as well as Ron’s and Hermiones once more began playing on the wall. Resolving to push his worst memories to the back of his mind, Harry thought about the most happiest times in his 2nd year. 

* * *

Several scowls and other noises of disbelief ,from the others, later and the odd comment like “I knew someone stole from my store however I must admit I’m surprised that it was in fact Granger.” (Snape said, anger laced in his tone of voice), “You really are the brightest witch of your age.” (McGonagall stated much to the obvious delight of Hermione)or “Harry your patronus, it’s magnificent. I’m very proud of you. Seems like you’re acting more of a guardian than Sirius.” (Remus said knocking his shoulder with Sirius as he said the last part extracting a laugh from Sirius.) they finally came to the year Harry had been dreading. 

“Ahh know this is what I’ve been looking forward too.” said Moody. 

Harry looked up to see their first lesson with ‘Moody’, played from the perspective of Hermione which gave everyone a clear view of Ron’s obvious fear of the spiders, Neville’s scared pale face and Harry, having gone still and lightly pale as ‘Moody’ performed the killing curse. Watching it back he realised that Hermione had also neglected to pay attention on ‘Moody’ and instead focused on Harry, although no one could see it he was thinking about his mothers screams as she protected Harry from Voldemort and to his great annoyance it seemed he did not conceal his discomfort as well as he thought for he had began to shake slightly. The scene moved to later on when Ron had just exclaimed how great ‘Moody’s’ lesson had been. Frowning Harry watched as Ron realised the affect of the lesson on Harry and ceased to talk about it, he needed to brush up in his acting abilities if he was going to successfully keep his glamour a secret Harry thought. 

“Alright Potter?” Moody asked. 

“Yeah fine.” Harry lied again focussing his eyes on the when his name came out of the goblet of fire. He saw himself face the dragon, get threatened by Snape in potions, complete the second task once again feeling foolish at taking the song seriously, finding Mr Crouch whilst talking to Krum. And then he saw himself on the morning of the final task, the surprise and joy etched onto his face as he was greeted by Mrs Weasley and Bill, sadness embarrassingly evident on his face beforehand for everyone to see. “I wish I could’ve been there Harry.” Sirius said, disappointment shone on his face. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’d prefer you were safe away from Azkaban.” Harry admitted.

He watched with a lump in his throat as he briefly interacted with Cedric’s parents. ‘Soon I’ll have to watch him die’. In what seemed to be a second to Harry, they were watching as Cedric told him to take the cup. Even though he knew he didn’t, Harry stood up not caring about what everyone must think of him, and shouted “Take the cup, you idiot.!Don’t argue with him! Take it or he’ll die!” But no amount of shouting could change the past and Harry watch helplessly as Cedric dragged Harry up and supported him as they made their way to the cup. “Don’t take it.” Harry whispered, tears building up in his eye. No one in the room was prepared for what happened next, even though they had a rough idea about had happened, to see it actually happening was entirely different. The death of Cedric was too much and Harry’s tears spilled over. He was reliving it again. He watch himself writhe in pain from his scar as Wormtail approached. He watched Cedric die. He saw the dark lord rise again. He saw the death eaters return to their masters. He watched as Voldemort made his big speech and touched Harry extracting more pain. He watched himself duel with Voldemort consisting of him under the cruciatus curse. He saw himself fight the imperius curse. He watched himself prepare for death as he stepped out. He watched as priori incantatem occurred. He saw Cedric and his parents and heard Cedric’s last wish. And he saw him barrel through death eaters to reach Cedric’s body and accio the cup. It was like he was in one of his nightmares and he loses control. He feel himself weaken and yet the glamour does not waver, he is responsible for the death of his parents and Cedric, he killed them, he was a freak. But he could not find it in himself to reveal it to those around him, he was in so much pain and he just wanted everything to stop and yet he cared more about the glamours than grieving for the deaths he’s caused, he’s disgusting. Self loathing settled into him as he sank to the floor and sobbed not caring about the pairs of eyes once again on him, pity and shock evident in them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’m not the best at grammar so bear with. Thanks for reading this. Really hoped you liked it. :) xxx


	3. Irreversible

“Harry.” said Remus warmth and love evident in his voice, however that just made Harry curl up even more adamant he didn’t deserve love. “Harry, it’s okay. Vol...Vol...Voldemort isn’t here you’re safe.” Harry’s heart sank they thought he was weak cowering from the mere memory of Voldemort. They didn’t understand him. The people who he maybe in a different world, where he wasn’t a freak, would’ve called family didn’t understand him. He hugged himself tighter letting out a small whimper as he unintentionally caused himself pain. He closed his eyes to be met with the body of Cedric lying on the ground and opened them again not wishing to revisit that scene. A cage of guilt surrounded his heart as his blood pumped round his body spreading it like a virus and increasing his freakishness. The one thing he had desired the most throughout his life was love but he couldn’t have it. That was a fact, something that could never change. It clawed at Harry reminding him at every possible chance so he gave up hoping. He was able to love but to not be loved. He lightly banged his head on his knees as he became aware of the situation he was in. He had dug himself a hole and now he must try and scramble out of it. Wiping the tears that were freely flowing down his face, he put on the biggest smile he could muster ignoring the protest from his brain which clung to the opportunity of grief and honesty. He looked up at the faces surrounding him, worry etched into them. 

“Don’t worry. I’m fine. I think I’ll go to bed.” making his voice sound extra chipper, he turned to the direction of the door resisting the urge to bolt out of the room at full speed. 

“Not so fast Potter.” Snape’s hand curled round his right arm holding him tightly. “Even a blind person could clearly see that. You. Are. Not. Alright.” 

Refusing to look at Snape Harry stared blankly at the wall facing him; “Professor, I’m fine really.” 

“Then explain to me why you were just crying on the floor. That is not an act of someone who is fine.” 

“Ok so I umm.” Harry frantically scrambled for an excuse, anything to quicken his escape from the room and the occupants within. “I’m just tired. So please can we just drop it!” Concealing his fear of being found out with anger. Snape pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a sigh, Harry was screwed Snapes’s going to kill him.

”Potter. It’s okay to be scared. You don’t have to hide it. There is not a person in this room who isn’t scared.” Snape shared, his voice depicting a softer tone. “You’re not alone.” ‘No,no,no please don’t do that! Please be mean to me. I thought I could count on you to not falsely assume the role of someone who cared about me. This is an act. They only need me to defeat Voldemort. They do not care. Please don’t say that they care!’ Harry thought. Snape let go of his arm when it was evident Harry was not going to respond. Harry made his way to the door, relieved that his secret was safe and little voice in Harry’s head began to say, “If they really cared they wouldn’t have excepted that poor excuse.” Harry tried to banish the voice from his head but found he could not. He shouldn’t be disappointed that no one noticed the lies, the glamours, the pain and yet he was. He reached the door and pulled the handle intent on ignoring Ron’s inevitable questions later when he got to bed. But the door would not open, he was trapped. 

“Please could who ever locked the door open it.” 

“Potter what are you talking about?”

”The door is locked.” Pulling it desperately, wiggling the handle so hard he wondered if it would break soon. 

“Don’t be stupid Potter. Move out of the way. Alohomora.” Nothing happened and when Snape tried to open the door again a burst of light threw him across the room. 

“Harry get away from the door.” commanded Remus, who had wrapped an arm round Harry’s shoulder and was steering him away. 

“Severus are you alright?” the Headmaster asked, bending over Snape who was sprawled across the floor his black greasy hair pointing up at random places. 

“Fine.” he spat, red patches appearing on his cheeks as he gracefully got up. Remus still had his arm round Harry even though they were stationary and pulled him close to his side in a protective gesture. Sirius was on Remus’ other side whispering something in his ear. The desire to be alone was crushing Harry as he stood glued to Remus whilst everyone was having their private conversations. No one ever told him anything. He appeared to be calm and collected but inside a storm was raging, emotions having free rain of his thoughts. He wanted to scream until it hurt, he wanted to cry until he could not, he wanted to bang his head against the wall until his brain shut off. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want them to think that he was even more of a freak. He must be normal. He wanted to be normal. He wanted a family who loved him, he wanted to have the only pressing worry being his potions homework or a quidditch game, he wanted to take his shirt off and have swim in the lake with Ron in the summer without constantly checking his chest, he wanted a clean body, he wanted to never know the feeling of hunger or pain. His ribs gave a sudden cry of pain and pulled Harry out of his delusion fantasy. The fact is he wasn’t normal and he never would be. 

“Harry, Harry?!” shouted Remus slightly shaking Harrys shoulder with his arm. 

“Sorry what?”

“It appears we are temporarily trapped in here and our magic will soon start to disappear. It seems we have not only physically been separated to the rest of the world but also spiritually.” Harry’s stomach gave an almighty lurch at the thought of his magic going. They would all see him, Harry ‘the freak’ Potter. He was not ready for this. His breaths became shorter and shorter as he entertained the various reactions to his punishment. “ I was wondering if you had any ideas on how this could’ve happened as you were the first to approach the door.”

“Huh oh um I don’t have a clue professor. I just walked to the door thinking about going to my room and found it would not open.”

“That’s quite alright my dear boy, this has never happened before.”

“Do you think it could have something to do with the dark lord?” Sirius rushed the words out of his mouth, almost making it inaudible.

“I do not believe so.” Sighs could be heard all around the room and Remus did something so unexpected that Harry would've fallen with shock had he not have been held so tightly, he had planted a small kiss on Harry’s scalp. Harry did not know what to do the actions being so foreign he chose to ignore it and focus blocking the hope once again battling against him. “However, I do have a theory that it is the house itself. For some reason the house has deemed it necessary to strip us of our magic and confine us together. There is of course no way to prove my theory and so you may taken it as a rambling of an old man. If you chose to believe me (everyone nodded) then I think the wishes of the house must be achieved for us to get out.” What if it knew about him and was punishing him for lying. 

”Um Professor can the house, you know, uh sense someone’s thoughts?” Harry asked trying to sound casual. 

“What an interesting question Harry. I do believe it can, if it is a powerful house. This has always been a magical home which would suggest it has a lot of power.” A loud pop filled the air and Harry thought it sounded like Dobby the house elf who could appear and disappear at will. Under closer investigation words had appeared floating in the middle of the room in clear view of everyone. It read, “It’s time secrets we’re unravelled.” 

* * *

An hour had passed and the words had long disappeared. The room had transformed the furniture from hard wooden chairs to a big long sofa that curled along three walls and a series of sleeping bags and cushions were neatly stacked in the middle. Harry was currently sitting between Hermione and Ron in what had been subconsciously deemed as the children side of the sofa.

“It fascinating really. I’ve read about magical houses but to actually experience the power of them it’s unbelievable. This really indicates the care we must give to our houses.” 

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to start a S.P.H.W: The Society for the Promotion of House Welfare.” 

“Ron really stop being so immature. All I’m saying is we should show them the respect they deserve. If we had we might not be stuck in here.”

”Load of bollocks if you ask me. The house is just messing with us, I bet it’s joking around. The Burrow always plays tricks on us. Not to mention Hogwarts.” 

“Language Ron and this isn’t the burrow or Hogwarts and I don’t think this house has a sense of humour. You agree with me Harry, don’t you?” 

“Yeah of course. You’re the brightest witch of your age.” replied Harry, putting a grin on his face as the voice in his head grew louder firing insults after insults and telling him it’s all his fault, the house knew. Harry was facing the adult side, where they were clearly trying to decipher the message that had appeared which caused another wave of guilt passing over him. It wasn’t about him he kept repeating not believing it more and more he said it. 

“If I could have everyone’s attention.” Harry had always been amazed how the Headmaster conducted the attention of everyone in the room. “Thank you. After much deliberation we feel the best course of action is to retire to our sleeping bags and rest up.” 

“Harry?” said Remus. He knew he had to respond so he didn’t raise suspicion but every instinct told him to shout NO at the top of his lungs, refuse to speak and hide any evidence of his punishments. 

“Yeah.” Harry pushed out, balling his hands into tight fists finding it easier to focus on the physical pain than the mental pain. Mental pain had no prescribed fix, he couldn’t go to Madam Pomfrey and tell her he feels empty and expect an antidote or spell to fix him like that. The physical pain would go away eventually but the mental pain followed him around looking over him constantly reminding him of his freakiness making it harder to get up and continue as normal. It drained him catching him in a trance of exhaustion. 

“Could we have a word?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit longer than the others. Hope you like it. Soz for grammar or any spelling mistakes. xxx


	4. Turmoil

Harry walked over to Remus and Sirius whilst the others got their sleeping bags and pillows, dreading what would come out of their mouths. Millions of thoughts zoomed around in his mind, creating a hurricane of negativity as he finally reached them. 

“We just wanted to make sure your alright. Tired or not you went through a horrible experience. We wanted to tell you that it’s okay if your not okay.” said Remus. Harry nearly crumble at hearing such kind words spoken towards him. He is quite possibly the reason they are all stuck in this room, he doesn’t deserve this kindness. He causes problems. Realising that he is expected to reply, Harry searched for any words that would not give away his sudden vulnerability. What if he could be loved? “How could anyone love you? Your a freak remember. Freaks don’t get loved!” the voice at the back of his head once more speaking, putting Harry in his place. Anger boiling up, thrashing loudly, he should never have thought otherwise and decided it was best to just get away fearing they’d misinterpret his anger as being directed towards them. 

“Thanks.” he decided was the best that he could do without succumbing to the urge to burst into tears. Remus then pulled Harry into a tight embrace, placing his head in Harry’s messy hair. Harry screwed his eyes closed willing the tears to stay in his eyes and grabbed a fistful of Remus robes in order to ground him to the present, fearing he would lapse into another painful memory. Remus took this as encouragement and pulled him even closer cradling his head with one hand, lightly scratching it. Harry was so comfortable resting his head in the crook of Remus’ neck. He wanted to be sick, he didn’t DESERVE this! He had to remind himself of the words on his chest and back forged through anger. The many scars that told a tail of the freak he was. The want to be loved came into full force, nearly breaking Harry as he clung tightly to the feeling of warmth and security in Remus’ arms and yet forcing himself to losen his grip. Remus pulled away and every muscle in Harry’s body screamed out wanting to pull him back and never let go of Remus. Sirius pulled Harry to his side in a one handed hug and to Harry’s relief did not linger for long. 

“Well kiddo, you better get to bed. Call us if you need us.” said Sirius, his voice strong but soft. Harry nodded not trusting himself to speak. 

“Sweet dreams.” Remus wished and squeezed his arm briefly. 

“And you.” Harry croaked our shakily as he turned to get himself a sleeping bag. 

“Harry I’ve already got you one. Here next to ours.” said Hermione, of course she would get him one. “Are you okay Harry? You look pale.” 

“Thanks Hermione. I’m fine don’t worry. Just really tired.” 

“Yeah you look it mate.” said Ron never one to be subtle “You’ve got massive bags under your eyes. Stange its though they appeared in the last hou..” and he dosed off, the last of his sleepy mutterings however had a lasting affect on Harry. The glamour was weakening.

Harry slowly settled down into his sleeping bag not really paying attention to his actions and acted as though he was falling asleep. Harry had been fainting sleep for what seemed like a lifetime by the time everyone had finally nodded off. The glamour was weakening and soon they’ll be able to see him. The thought made Harry squirm in his sleeping bag and his fear was rising ready to crash down on him like a Tsunami. No excuse he came up with sounded believable and only lead to more revealing questions. All around him he could hear the soft even breaths and snores of everyone, reminding him that they were normal, they were sleeping peacefully, no thrashing, no screaming, no pain. They weren’t haunted by the laugh of an evil sadistic wizard or the screams of their mother and the last words she spoke or the face of Cedric, still and pale laying on the grass. They did not not sleep for days on end, fearing what they’ll face when they succumb to sleep, until they pass out through exhaustion. Harry felt so alone smothered by healthy, calm, kind, warm bodies. There were no windows in the room so Harry did not know when everyone else would awake. He also had no way of knowing how much of Harry they could see. He decided the best course of action was to curl up, obscuring his head from view and only move from that position when it was strictly necessary. He had no need to go to the toilet, the room vanishing the contents of his bladder and rectum as soon as they were full. He was well adapted to not eating and found he still felt full from Mrs Wesley’s multiple servings. The waiting began.

* * *

“The room as ever so kindly catered us with breakfast so be my guest and enjoy.” said Dumbledore, everyone finally waking up 10 minutes prior. Harry was still acting under the pretence of being asleep and had his back to the Headmaster. 

“Do you think we should wake Harry up?” Ron asked the room, “He’ll miss breakfast!”. 

“Potter did say he was tired last night and we don’t really need any more idiotic Gryffindors running around the place misidentifying stupidity as courage. Let him sleep.” said Snape in a foul mood giving away immediately he isn’t a morning person. 

“I agree with Severus. We should let Harry sleep.” said Remus, in a more approachable bright tone. “I’m sure the room will give him some food when he wakes up.” This seemed to anger the room because all the sleeping bags and pillows including Harry’s disappeared with a familiar pop. Harry’s plan was ruined. He grunted as his head made contact with the floor, extremely hard compared to the fluffy pillow. 

“It seems the room has other plans. Good morning Harry my dear boy!”

”Morning” Harry muttered. 

“You must have some breakfast Harry dear. Get your strength up.” said Mrs Weasley. ‘Oh no!’ 

“I’m fine thanks Mrs Weasley. I think I’ll just stay here.” 

“Harry you can’t stay on the floor.” Hermione pointed out, earning the agreement of most in the room. Harry had no choice, he was going to have to face them. Butterflies fluttered around in his stomach as he stood up his back turned to the others. He knew he was a freak but for the others to know terrified him. ‘What if they hurt him just like Uncle Vernon?’ He has every right to be punished but that doesn’t mean he ever gets used to it. He cannot remember a time when he wasn’t punished. He’ll never get used to the smashing of a belt coming down on him with an almighty force, the sting as the air makes contact with his wounds, the cracking as his bones relent to the trauma. He cowers and begs every time and it’s like he’s one years old again, dependant and helpless possessing no power in the face of his gigantic uncle. His dignity is stripped from him as he screams and cries but no one ever comes to his aid. The hours upon hours of pleading as his uncle carves another hateful word into his skin marking his authority with a knife only ever used for such tasks, one of Uncle Vernon's big sweaty hands around his neck effectively keeping him still. He’ll never forget the burning feeling of rejection as the handmade Christmas gift is ripped up in Aunt Petunias bony hands as Uncle Vernon's fist comes in contact with Harry’s face. He sighed running one hand down his face tracing over a similar bruise to the one he received all those years ago. He had to face them. And that’s what he did, in one quick motion leaving no time for regret and hesitation. 


	5. Revelation

No one was looking at him, no one was shouting at him, no one was recoiling at seeing his freakishness. He walked to the table with the food on it like everything was normal, wishing so badly that there was a mirror in the room so Harry would know whether or not his bruise had been exposed. It seemed as though the room had listened to his desperate pleas, for a small mirror appeared on the wall to Harry’s right. It seems as though no one but Harry has noticed it as they all continued as normal, settling around the table gathering their breakfast from the mounds of food on the table, that could rival the food of Hogwarts. Harry nervously glanced at the mirror and to his relief it seemed that his bruise was still hidden although the bags under his eyes were prominent and on full display. He subconsciously tried to flatten his hair as continued to the breakfast table. 

“Harry dear, come have some food.” said Mrs Weasley already filling him a plate which consisted of a bit of everything on the table. “Now why don’t you sit down with Ron and eat your breakfast.” She placed his plate in his hand and lightly patted his cheek. Harry made his way over to the sofa, walking extra slowly in order to keep the food on his plate from falling off. 

“Morning mate. You look horrible.” Ron said, not looking to good himself with puffy eyes that were half open, his orange hair resembling a bonfire as it stuck up in all directions and dazed expression gracing his face. Harry sat down next to him too focused on his plate to register the comment until he was settled comfortably with his plate on his lap. 

“Thanks Ron, I know I can count on you for complements.” Harry said words dripping with sarcasm as he pulled apart a croissant. He really wasn’t hungry but he could feel the worried eyes of Mrs Weasley monitoring his actions. He popped a piece of croissant into his mouth in order to relieve the pressure of her gaze. 

“It’s probably because Harry didn’t get any sleep last night. Did you Harry?” said Hermione, passing a glass of orange juice to him as she sat down on the other side of him. ‘How could she possibly know that?’

“Thanks for the juice.” Harry said hoping to change the subject however this was the brightest witch of our age, dubbed by Professor McGonagall herself and so she noticed immediately. 

“I’m right aren’t I, you didn’t sleep at all.” 

Knowing she wouldn’t be able to let it go Harry replied honestly, “No I didn’t. How did you know?”

”Well it was easy really. You didn’t really make an effort to act as though you were asleep, one time when I woke up you even had your eyes open Harry. In fact the only time I saw you make an actual effort to be asleep is a couple of minutes ago when everyone was awake.” 

“Don’t worry mate your aren’t that obvious. I didn’t notice.” Ron said obviously reacting to the not well hidden surprise and disappoint Harry was feeling at being caught. 

“Harry why couldn’t you sleep?” Hermione asked the only sign of her acknowledging Rons comment being an eye roll. This was a safe truth one that wouldn’t be a shock and wouldn’t reveal anything unwanted so Harry once again chose honesty.

“I have nightmares about Cedric’s death and Voldemort. I didn’t want to wake anyone up with my screaming. Also I didn’t want to relive it again after seeing it projected on the wall.” Harry felt good finally being able to tell at least some of his troubles to people and wished that he could tell them the whole truth. Maybe this would satisfy the room and it would let them all out. 

“Oh Harry. I understand but it’s not healthy to not sleep.” Hermione said, kissing him on the cheek like she did in Kings-cross station. “At least eat a healthy amount of food.” 

“Yeah mate I agree with Hermione food always make me feel better.” 

“Thanks for understanding.” And as way of showing his gratitude Harry decided he’d eat everything on his plate ignoring the protests from his stomach. They ate in a comfortable silence for most of breakfast and this gave Harry time to study the rest of the room. Snape had obviously ate or drank something good as his mood was much more tolerable and he no longer looked like he would murder anyone who was happy. He was talking to Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall, who both seemed to be in high spirits despite the current situation. The twins were having a small food fight in one corner, careful not to anger their mother when they had no means of escaping her scolding. Mr and Mrs Weasley were siting with Ginny and we’re eating their breakfast as if they were back in the Burrow on a normal average day. Harry’s gaze fell on Sirius and it made his gut wrench. Although it was clear he was trying to be calm you could clearly see how worried and scared he was. His face was ghostly white, his hands slightly trembled as he grabbed for a mug full of coffee and he let out an gigantic yawn. Harry never considered what it must be like for someone who spent 12 years in prison to be locked once more in a room with no obvious means of escape. This must be hell for him and it was all Harry’s fault. Remus was next to him and seemed to be offering words of encouragement, a bright optimistic smile lighting its way onto his face as he clasped Sirius’ shoulder. However, you could clearly see that he was also worried. His smile was genuine but wasn’t as comforting as usual which worried Harry to no end. Remus was level headed, logical, smart so for him to be seen fearing this situation unsettled Harry too much he had to look away. 

“You know this isn’t that bad really. We have a supply of food, a comfy couch and we don’t need to go to the bathroom. We have everything we need in this room.” Ron said, clearly having thought a lot about it. “Also You-Know-Who can’t get Harry or any of us from in here, so we’re safe.” 

“Yes but the world out there isn’t safe from him. We might be protected but there are those who can’t protect themselves that could die as a result of us staying in here. The only wizard who Voldemort’s ever feared is in here so that means he’ll have no hesitation in enforcing his way once again because there’s nothing to stop him. We have to get out to ensure safety of everyone not just us.” Harry said not realising the intensity of his words until he looks at Ron’s and Hermiones shocked faces. “But I do know what you’re talking about. It’s nice to feel safe and have access to everything you need to live.” Harry said concerned about the reactions of his friends. That had also been worrying Harry, what if the room was serious and wouldn’t let us out until the secret was told. Millions could die because he wanted to be normal and wanted to keep hidden. He was being so selfish and he had the urge to shout at everyone that it was his fault and tell them everything. It went against everything he had been taught his whole life. He had to hide it or his Uncle would get mad, ‘Don’t you tell anyone boy!’ ‘They don’t care about you boy!’. He clenched his fists once more, struggling to control everything. 

”Maybe we should volunteer to help try and get out.” said Hermione. 

“Okay. Who should we ask?” Ron said. 

“How about Professor Dumbledore, he is the headmaster.” Hermione stated as if it was obvious. 

“Not of Grimauld Place though.” Ron grumbled under his breath as they got up, their plates and cups vanishing. They made their way to the Headmaster Harry leading the way, he really didn’t want to go over there having always had the feeling the Headmaster could tell when Harry was being dishonest. His blue twinkly eyes settled on them as they drew nearer as if he had expected them to come sooner or later. 

“Mr Potter, Miss Granger, Mr Weasley.” Professor McGonagall greeted them as they came to a halt next to their three professors. 

“Hello professor we were just wondering if there’s anything we can do to help.” Hermione said her cheeks going slightly red as all three of them devoted their attention on her.

”Thank you Miss Granger but I fear there is nothing to be done. We are at a loss on how to get out. The obvious solution would be to get everyone to reveal their secrets but that is intrusive and I feel many of us (the headmaster glanced at Snape who was glaring at him) would feel uncomfortable and violated. Do you have any solutions or ideas?” his voice sounding genuinely interested in our opinions.

Ron was the first to speak out of the trio, “Have you tried to talk to the house? Mum is always shouting at the Burrow when it plays a prank on her and it stops. Though that might be because it’s scared of her.” 

“What an interesting suggestion Weasley, shall we start shouting at it to like deranged lunatics.” Snape drawled clearly appalled by such a notion. 

“Now Severus Mr Weasley might be on to something.” the Headmaster chided, making Ron grin as Snape looked murderous. The headmaster turned to the wall behind him, layed a palm on it a begun to speak, “Hello, I am Albus Dumbledore and I would very much like it I feel you let me and the others out of this room. One does miss going to the toilet to enjoy the newspaper.” 

Words echoed in the room, in response to the Headmaster: 

_“To escape you must tell,_

_those around you,_

_to gain what you crave._

_You know who you are,_

_the one with the scars,_

_not all famous._

_Don’t be a fool,_

_honour the fallen,_

_rid your guilt._

_Reflection is a gift,_

_an example of my mercy,_

_follow my wishes to show gratitude.”_

”Well Mr Weasley what a splendid suggestion that was, very eye opening.” 

“Who do you think it’s about?” Ron asked. Harry looked at him shocked that he hadn’t immediately thought that it was Harry, he thought it was obvious. 

“It’s obvious who it is.” Remus pointed out, this was it Harry though he was surely going to be exposed. “It’s about me.” Harry’s jaw dropped in astonishment how could he think it was him. 

“I don’t think so Remus unless you have a life altering secret which isn’t that you and Sirius are a couple.” Professor Dumbledore said, earning a shake of a head from Remus who looked highly embarrassed but relieved as he held Sirius in his arms not having to hide his affection any more . “Congratulations I’m very happy for you both as I’m sure is everyone else.” Harry grinned relieved that Remus did not have to carry the burden of his mistakes and be wrongfully accused and also pleased for Remus and Sirius. They were perfect for each other. Everyone were making their way to the couple and Harry was about to do the same when someone tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Harry may I have a word?” The Headmaster knew, he knew the room was speaking about him. What was he going to do to Harry, would he be angry that he had inadvertently trapped everyone in here? At least it wasn’t in front of everyone, maybe he could convince the headmaster to keep it a secret. 

“What do you want Harry for?” Remus said, despite being across the room he had heard the headmaster and looked concerned once more. 

”I only wish to speak with him.” 

“Then I would like to be present and I’m sure Sirius would as well (earning a nod from Sirius) so why don’t we go sit down over there.” Remus said his voice soft but threatening, moving away from the others confident that the headmaster would not challenge him. 

“Of course. Come along Harry.” Both Ron and Hermione gave him sympathetic looks as he made his way to the part of the sofa where Remus and Sirius were sitting. Every one seemed to be confused as to why the four of them had broken off from the rest especially at the news of Remus and Sirius but the headmaster ignored them all as he sat down. It’s clear everyone wanted to know what was happening and the room was silent however a look from the headmaster and they all began talking no doubt about what was happening. Would Sirius be mad if he knew he was the reason for his discomfort? Harry felt like he did when Uncle Vernon punished him, he knew what was going to happen but that just made him more scared and he had no way of escaping or avoiding it. Would he have to show them the scars and injuries that were on his body? He didn’t think he could do this, his heart began to beat erratically and his chest tightened as he imagined the looks of disgust on their faces. 

“Why don’t you sit in between us?” Remus suggested shuffling away from Sirius to make room for him. “Now Professor why did you want to talk to Harry? You can’t possibly think it’s him.” 

“Remus I’m afraid I do.” 

“You’re wrong.” Remus snapped, stretching his arm around the back of the sofa where Harry was sitting. 

“Remus have you noticed that Harry hasn’t spoken a word, he hasn’t made any attempt to defend himself. The room referred to the scar which makes Harry the most famous wizard in our world. Who else could it possibly be? You are the only other person with scars that are visible and well known. Moments before you admitted you had no secrets so it has to be Harry.” Remus stared at the headmaster opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. Instead he curled his arm round Harry for what seemed to be the millionth time in the space of 24 hours. 

“Harry?” 

“Yes Professor.” Harry responded hanging his head. 

“Would you care to explain?” 


	6. Unveiled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been a while. Ive been in hospital but on the mend now. Hope you like it. 👍🏼

Harry buries his head in his hands, his mouth wide open silently screaming, tears strolling down his face following a familiar path, his glamour finally peeling off. He wanted it to end and he no longer cared how. The pain must go, he needs to rest, to find some peace. The presence of those around him could not penetrate his mind as he experienced every punishment, every failure, every heartbreak he had ever felt. They taunted him, reminding him he was weak and could never face the upcoming battles. He vaguely feels himself being pulled into someone’s chest but his gaze never shifts from the place on the floor. The soft reassuring mutters offer no comfort to Harry as he sinks deeper into his mind, the voice shouting so hard it was all he could here. Harry only now realises that it was his uncles voice telling him he’s worthless, that he deserves everything he gets , he’s a trouble maker and puts everyone’s lives around him at risk he doesn’t deserve happiness because he causes too much suffering and pain. 

“Harry.” Someone said. He didn’t respond. Carefully a finger found his chin and lifted it until green eyes met brown. “Harry. You’re safe. Please tell us what’s wrong.” Harry began gulping in air as he tried to form a sentence together. “Breathe Harry breathe. Follow my breaths. In and out. That’s it.” Focussing on his breaths the voice slowly retreated back into his mind and he was now aware that he was on Remus’ lap and facing him. Sirius had a hand on his shoulder much like at the end of the year and everyone seemed to be looking at the three of them. He felt stronger and weaker at the same time. He owed these people an explanation and that is what he’ll give them. 

“I’m sorry for freaking out. It’s my fault your stuck in here and I’m so sorry.” Harry began trying to not let the tears overwhelm him. He stood up from Remus’ lap. He begun pacing as he thought on how to explain everything his eyes flickering around the room until they fell on the mirror which revealed that his glamour was gone and stood still transfixed by it. 

”Harry why do you have a bruised eye?” Hermione said helping Harry to gather is thoughts.

He began pacing once again not allowing himself to look at anyone. “So I got attacked by a dementor, you all know that. Well my cousin Dudley was with me and so when we got home he wasn’t in a great state and my Aunt and Uncle were very angry. Which is totally understandable because Dudley could’ve died. And well ummm my Uncle ppppp...punished me.” Harry was once again freely crying as he fought to ignore the voice screeching at him in his head.

“Harry. I’m so sorry.” Remus said and gathered Harry into his arms. The love and generosity of Remus Lupin once again shattered Harry as he stood wrapped in his arms. He felt so protected being shielded from the room by Remus’ arms and for a moment he forgot about everything. He forgot about the troubles he’s facing, had faced and is going to have to face. He was just Harry. “Harry we’re here for you. We want to help.”

”I can’t. Please don’t say that.” 

“Har” 

“Don’t. Please can we just drop it. It doesn’t matter, it’s not important. So there’s no need to talk about it.” 

“Harry we will not drop it.” 

“Why not?” Harry said, his voice sounding childish and whiny. 

“Because we care about you.” Remus said. 

“No you don’t!” Harry shouted realising at once that he had said it out loud, he shoved himself away from Remus in horror. “I'm sorry. Please forget all of this. It won’t do any harm. Let’s just go back to normal.” Harry pleaded hoping to god that they would forget it.

”Harry we can’t drop it because we care. So your Uncle hit you in the face because his son got attacked by a dementor and he blamed you. Firstly, that is not a moral way to punish someone. Secondly, you are not at fault for the attack and should not shoulder any responsibility which I know you are. Lastly Harry and I want an honest answer, has he hurt you before?” 

“No.” 

“Harry, don’t lie.”

”No he hasn’t.” Harry stated. However the room apparently does not like lying for it smashed the mirror with a high pitched moan and dissolved Harry’s shirt. It was all over now. He had been exposed. It could no longer be covered up. 

“Minerva contact Poppy and tell her to come immediately as a matter of urgency. Severus go to your stores and bring what Poppy may need and does not have. Everyone else please exit the room I’m sure Sirius will guide you to a suitable place for your needs. Remus is the only one allowed to stay.” The room cleared out reluctantly at the Headmasters demands and then they were alone. The air was buzzing with tension as everyone took a moment to gather themselves the following conversation being no secret to the three of them. “Remus please would you allow me to speak first and you may add anything missed after. Let’s take a seat.” Harry remained quite a distance away from the both as he sat down. “Harry are you in any pain?”

”Yes. My wrists and stomach hurts the most.” Harry admitted knowing he would only get away with honesty. Snape strode into the room giving Harry one of the many vials he had. 

“Drink this Potter. It should stop the pain. Madame Pomfrey will be able to heal everything but until she arrives this will do. (He turned to leave satisfied that Harry had taken the potion.) Oh and Potter? Stay strong, don’t lose hope yet.” Momentarily Snapes piercing gaze softened and he swept out of the room without another word. 

“Has the pain gone?” Remus asked.

”Yes.” was all that Harry could respond with, he wanted to say more, to thank them for the kindness he didn’t deserve but Harry felt enough tears had been shed and he was too exhausted to express himself anymore. 

“Harry. Your Uncle caused those scars didn’t he. He, as you put it, punished you by causing you harm. Is this right Harry? (Harry nodded, not trusting himself to speak.) What did you do to, in your Uncles eyes, warrant punishing? (Harry shrugged, not willing to reveal his freakishness.) Harry he can’t hurt you. We won’t let you go back there under no circumstances. You’re safe. No ones going to hurt you. We want to understand. Please let us in.”

“I’m a freak! That’s why. I can’t be loved. I only cause trouble and pain.” The projector suddenly came to life at Harry’s words and bright light shot out of it once again portraying a memory on the wall, it was his. 

Harry looked at the wall his face portraying a deer caught in headlights, as he was  greeted by one of his early memories of being punished,  colour rose along his cheeks. 

And then it happened. With an almighty bang, Vernon shoved Harry to the floor, who cowered below him. He undid his belt and began whacking Harry’s back, his large round face purple as his eyes burnt with rage; “You FREAK!”. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll do better next time.”

“You are useless. You deserve this BOY!” 

It changed to another memory and another and another and another...

* * *

Harry squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears. Hearing the hateful, horrible, honest words of Uncle Vernon once again filled him with fear. He was no longer an 15 year old boy. He was 2 years old, having only just learnt the cruelty of the loveless world he was living in. Uncle Vernon didn’t love him. Aunt Petunia didn’t love him. Dudley didn’t love him. Nobody loved him. 

“Stop it.” Harry whispered over and over again, his voice growing louder and louder every time. 

“He’s gone Harry. It’s okay. Your safe. Harry. Look at me. Your safe.” said Remus.

Harry skeptically opened his eyes to be met with the worried expressions of Albus Dumbledore and Remus Lupin.

“Harry, my boy. I. Am. So. Sorry. I have failed you. When I placed you in the care of your aunt and uncle as a little baby I thought it was the best thing for you. The blood wards meant you were safe from Lord Voldemort. You are not a freak Harry. You can be loved and you are loved by many people.”

Harry was saved from replying by the presence of Madame Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape.

“Albus good evening. Mr Potter would you allow me to examine you. (Harry nodded, grimacing). Good. Now the rest of you out. Mr Potter deserves his privacy. Severus would you kindly leave all the potions you have brought on the table.” Everyone filtered out slowly not wanting to leave Harry in a vulnerable state but they knew Poppy would look after him. 

Madame Pomfrey worked in silence whispering countless incarnations and waving her wand in front of Harry. She gave no inclination of what was happening. Half an hour later, Madame Pomfrey finally cleared her throat and looked Harry straight in the eye. 

“All done Mr Potter. You must drink this for your broken wrists and 3 ribs and your bruised eye. (And she shoved a vial of potion, which Harry gulped down instantly.) You must drink this to heal the most recent cuts on your back and stomach. (Which he did.) You must drink this to soothe the many scars on your body. (Which he did.) You must drink this replenishing potion because you have serious blood and nutrient depletion. This is a calming drought which I recommend you take but will not force you to. This is a dreamless sleep potion which you will need to take before you go to bed, no negotiations Potter. I’m going to go get the Headmaster back. Don’t do anything stupid.” Madame Pomfrey said an unrecognisable emotion evident in her voice.

Harry was left alone his memories echoing at the back of his mind lingering just enough to remind him he cannot have what they will likely offer. Remus talked about safety but Harry wasn’t safe. If not his Uncle trying to hurt him he had an evil homicidal maniac trying to kill him. He couldn’t have the life he wanted. Nothing about him was normal and the usefulness Harry posed clouded the judgement of the residents inside this house. Harry didn’t blame them. They’d already experienced the wrath of Voldemort and they don’t want it to happen again. Hell Mr and Mrs Weasley has children to think of. So he would do what he could to protect the people he cruelly loved. The guilt at putting them in such a horrific situation, of having to care for him unnecessarily would give Harry the strength he needed to cary on for as ever long as possible. These people were hopeful, kind and good natured and to be associated with him tainted their souls so Harry would absolve them, rid them of any negativity inflicted upon him at his expense. His resolve is weak but he’s sure he can cling on a little bit longer. The end is near. The end is near. 


	7. Ascension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Don't really know what to say. It's been a crazy 6 months or so. I don't know if you want another chapter. Heck I don't know if anyone actually likes this or even reads this anymore but I thought I'd put one more out there. So here you go! 🙃😝

Voldemort was dead. Harry had beaten him finally. Now he could rest. Everyone was safe. It was time for him to ascend. Maybe the dark shadow looming over him would disappear and the voice in his head would finally be silent. He'll climb to the astronomy tower tonight. The fallen must be honoured first, they fought with courage and tenacity and they did not deserve to die. An atmosphere had descended within Hogwarts for it was a time for happiness and mourning. Ron had lost his brother, Fred. Many people lost friends and even family. Remus fought with everything he had left having lost a bit of himself when Sirius died protecting Harry. It wasn't fair. Harry had always imagined that they would live happily ever after at Grimauld Place until they were old and grey where they would die peacefully unlike there lives. He had made them so much more painful. He wish he could've done more, they deserved better.

* * *

The next few hours passed by in a blur. Untill Harry was safely nestled in the Gryffindor common room shielded from the rest of the castle. Everywhere he went people would stop him and thank him. Harry didn't really like the attention but he endured it for he wouldn't have to put up with it for long. The house elves had fought well and yet they still provided dinner for the survivors even now eager to serve. This reminded Harry of Dobby who was also wrongfully taken from this world, in the proces of protecting Harry and his friends. Another person who had died because of him. No more he thought. He will relieve the burden. He was sat finishing a small letter, that they would find after, signing off with HP. A giddy feeling overcame Harry as he retrieved his cloak. The halls were still filled with people drunk on the freedom from Voldemort and most likely alcohol. Harry climbed the familiar steps to the astronomy tower until he reached the top. He didn't want to prolong the suffering and so he stepped on the ledge quickly making sure there were no safety charms and pushed off. Enjoying the wind in his hair as his cloak broke free of his body exposing his body hurdelling ever closer to the hard ground. It wasn't like any sensation he had felt, not even flying on his broom had brought him so much bliss. In his last moments Harry's face broke out in the widest of grins, his face aching unaccustomed to the pull of his muscles into a smile. He died happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it. 🙃


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